Unwanted fate

If living and dying are a choice, i would love to die, as long i dont have to get the afterlife punishment, if i knew i non stop suffer in this world, i would end my life years ago when im only half of my age right now, too much sins i've got committed at this age right now, its too late to end it and i already lost too far in this life, is it being too secrective harm myself, am i covered my pain too well as they think im alright, for the sake of others, the people who claimed they sick of me, who looked down me, im just looking at them when they selfishly abondoned my feeling on that time, now u all blame me to what i've become, when each of u got someone to talk to, im all alone, yet u all say, be patient, be patient, the hell u want me to be patient as u leave me alone when i need someone by my side,AND U GOT SOMEONE TO TALK TO BUT IM NOT, i looked all alright outside cause im already mastering in faking my expression, but i cant faking my inside feeling, im getting worse mentally cause of the selfishness all of u, dont u all felt blessed even once when u all got troubled caused by the other daughter yet u got the younger daughter who always surrender in most arguing situation, dont u felt blessed that im not really told u that im suffered over all those thing created by your daughter, dont u felt blessed that im rarely crying in front of u just to not make thing worsen on that time, dont u felt blessed u force me did everything me to do cause its your money, so u must decided everything for me, im scared to declined it as u would glare at me asking 'so what u want to do if i dont help u decided like this?????!' u've decided everything on your own, when realized i dont own even a little self confidence on that time cause u made me one, WHY U ALL BLAME ME WHAT IM BEING NOW AS ITS ALL YOUR ACTION WHO CREATED ME NOW,YET U DONT WANT TO ACCEPT ITS ALL YOUR FAULT WHO TURNED ME INTO BAD PERSON, I SWEAR BY THE NAME OF ALLAH, I SWEAR BY THE NAME OF ALLAH, IM SO DEVASTATED WITH THIS DESTINY OF MY LIFE

W.A.L.K

Kg.Cina,K.Terengganu

CIPIT

miss u all so much

rest in peace

I really want to meet u again

telling people what u feel actually u are blaming them.u are just telling your feeling that u are taken aback by their action toward yourself,but its so damn hurt when they just accused me that im blaming them and told me that i had never think that source of the problem is me,myself.

when u are always alone,no one to talk to for years,its really get me wonder if actually am i really exists in this famili?when everybody in famili were all at your side,u kept hurting me with your ignorance,glare without reason,u didnt even want look at me,talk?everyone were by your side,they had to take care ur feeling,they just follow the flow.im the only damn victim to get all the suffer from u.u ll never ever understand cause u never put yourself in my situation,how i felt when i had to console my own myself,all u can say is stop blaming stop blaming stop blaming DAMN ITTTTTTTT. i tried be patience patience patience patience and i ended up  be a real patient with no medication will ever erase those scars. everybody must move on to change your own,how i got really damn jealous to those who can move on without felt even a bit of guilty by making other person suffered like shit before that. how u can be so positive when u already ruined another person life?

u know i keep blaming keep blaming with no end  cause i lose all hope to live,my brain gone numb.i had always to mind all people around me.i wish i can take out my heart brain lend it to u to hear to feel what actually i thought.of course u dont want to do those moron things,what the hell are u doing to borrow others brain heart to feel what they felt,its not ur business,mind

N.O

people struggle to live a better life

I struggle to stay sane  

:;;;;;;;;;;

if i got a chance to turn back
if i could change my destiny
i want to fix the situation that happened on those time
i would not meet that arrogant old man that look down on me
that changed my whole life
those words
someone with me
why she must face a thing that should be only me went through it?

u who hate me
must u told everyone my bad thing to all people in class?
when i didnt being there?
did u satisfied?

 i keep trying not to drown deep in all those world things
look like i not strong enough for now to fight all altogether

as time goes on
i pull together all the past along with me
i let them haunted me
i cant forgive myself
i hate myself

I'M BACK BLOGGER! BTS 방탄소년단

it's been a year i didn't update anything in this blog.busy?not really.i always online to read any blog that i followed,somehow i think maybe i shoudn't posting all these entries coz the main reason i had this account was to keep in update with my favourite blog(i love food and travel blog).the blogs owner(the blog i followed) are really awesome blogger;the way they use blog to spread something useful for us as readers,sharing know-how to do something like cooking variety dish,or even share their opinion 'bout something.but sometimes i felt like posting an entry and of course the entry content depending on something i'm crazy about on that time.like in this entry,방탄소년단(BTS)showed up~♥ i'm so in love with them now especially J-Hope and Rap-Monster♥.their song unlike the other idol group,BTS song is what about we have gone through,when we had to struggle with study to get excellent result in exam,went into great university and getting a stable job. 
 

방탄소년단 BLOG

J-HOPE

RAP-MONSTER

JIN

SUGA

V

JIMIN

JUNGKOOK

AIDILFITRI-1 SYAWAL 1433 HIJRAH

MY REAL SITUATION NOW,WILL U ACCEPT MY EXCUSE?

 (This entry is about my inner feeling,what I felt,the situation that made me ......(bothering me)I hope I get strength to against the bad thing.Only ALLAH Yang Esa really know how I feel)

It's been awhile since I posted the last entry in this blog,being a pra-university student made me busy lately.I've to stay at school's hostel because my family didn't believe me at all to study at home.They scared(or worry?) that I may fail again in getting great result if I stay at home.What the problem(I wanna say another word but it may hurt their heart if they read this later)if I study at home???I'm not a kid anymore,I can be an independent daughter,student.I DONT NEED,I HATE BE SURROUNDED THE NOISY-MAKING,HARSH,DISRESPECTFUL ;SNOTTY KIDS AT THAT HOSTEL!I'VE ANOTHER CHOICE,MY OWN PLAN,WHY U WANT ME STAY THERE???

If I given 3 choice;stay at home;stay at hostel;rent a house

I'll choose the third one.Better live apart from family if they think I become lazy when staying at home.

U SAID I CANNOT BE AN INDEPENDENT IF I STAY WITH U,SO U HARSHLY SAID

"I didn't believe u anymore,u couldn't study at home,u only sleep most time.I told u to stay at hostel when u're in form 4,but u didn't follow my word,u said u'll study harder if u transfer back to old school,but can u see ur spm result?no more excuse from u,stay at hostel so u can study better!"

Yeah,I really enjoy my"study"at those hostel!How I gonna study at this such place?U can say that I only making excuse so I can have a lazy,more time to enjoy at home.It is me who face this situation,I know what I need to do to get great result!Hey,my spm result not that bad as u thought,I can enter the university with that result but what can I do if there's no offer for me?there a lot student who got lower result than me out there,they still got the offer!what the hell!When there's no offer for me,u(my famili)blamed me that i'm not serious studying!

Stay in dorm with other 10 students,yeah,the 10 people are my friend,I'm not saying they are bad(actually I really couldn't say it here because I know everyone having their bad point in themselves)1 vs 6,which one will win?I'm not that strong to against their way.they never force me to follow the way they behave but I always felt shame to face other friend if the 6 did something(bad)it's not me did it,I still feel it as I stay in same dorm with them.The junior students'll lose respect to me if this situation continued,they'll think I'm also the troublemaker(I'm grateful there're some juniors who understand my situation)

RAMADHAN 1433 HIJRAH

WORLD VISIBILITY OF THE TRANSIT OF VENUS ON 5/6 JUNE 2012

I just found this site when searching the info at youtube(I watched THE SINKING OF JAPAN MOVIE) and found this interesting info(yeah,maybe the others knew it already,I don't care anyways,want to read?just go on).Am I allowed to share here?hehe~Want more info,CLICK THE LINK BELOW*

*MAP-credits to  Michael Zeiler,eclipse-maps.com 
*SITE- E.S.A

 

Lyrics?EXO-K HISTORY

Listen, 느낄 수 있니? 내 심장이 뛰지를 않아
(My heart be breakin’)
분한 마음에 울어도 보고, 소리 질러 “하!” 외쳐도 봤어
(My pain be creepin’)
흑과 백, 아직 남과 북, 끝이 나지 않는 전쟁 Scene
둘로 나뉜 태양의 절망
멀리 돌고 돌아서 다시 시작하는 곳에 다 왔어
오류투성이지만 배워가며 강해질 수 있는 나
저 태양처럼 거대한 하나란 걸 아는 날
오- 오- 모두 함께 가는 우리 미래로

I need you and you want me, 지구란 이 별에서 오- 오-
Every, every, everyday 내가 만든 History.
Break it! 욕망의 반칙 Move it! 파괴란 미덕
(No more shakin’ like that)
Magic 시간이 가면 또 씻은 듯이 다시 재생 돼
시공간을 뛰어 넘어서 에덴의 아침을 꿈꾸고 있어
가자! 우린 그런 존재
멀리 돌고 돌아서 다시 시작하는 곳에 다 왔어
오류투성이지만 배워가며 강해질 수 있는 나
저 태양처럼 거대한 하나란 걸 아는 날
오- 오- 모두 함께 가는 우리 미래로
I need you and you want me, 지구란 이 별에서 오- 오-꿈을 잉태 하는 날 우린 다시 일어나
일어나, 일어나, 일어나 (turn it on) 일어나, 일어나, 일어나
영원할거라 믿고 싶을 때. 언젠가 할 거 라고 망설일 때
내일이 바로 끝인지도 몰라. 후회 같은 건 잊어버려 두려워마
제발 사랑해, 사랑해, 사랑해 조화로울수록 완벽하잖아
모든 슬픔이 기쁨이 여기에 나와 너는 한 생명인 걸
Ya! 우리가 원래 하나로 태어났던 순간,
갈수록 소모적인 이 세계를 만난 순간
우린 점점점멀어져가 점점
둘로 깨져버린 채 힘을 잃어버린 태양
갈수록, 갈수록, 갈수록, 갈수록 더
간절했던 꿈의 세계를 다시 마주하는 순간
내 가슴이 뛴다, 마구 뛴다. 둥 둥 둥 둥 둥 둥
돌고 돌아서 다시 시작하는 곳에 다 왔어
Yeah- EXO-M, EXO-K 우리가 시작하는 미래 History
저 태양처럼 거대한 하나란 걸 아는 날
Oh- 하나의 심장에, 태양에 끝없이 우린
하나로 강해지고 있어
I need you and you want me, 지구란 이 별에서 오- 오-
Every, every, everyday 내가 만든 History.

Jadual Kuliyah Bulan Mei 2012.UstAzharIdrus

Jadual Kuliyah Bulan Mei 2012. #UstAzharIdrus: Jadual Kuliyah Bulan Mei 2012. #UstAzharIdrus

AM I A REALLY BAD STUDENT?

Before result: u all praised me for nothing."DO WELL""GET EXCELLENT RESULT,KEY?WE TRUST U~"

That 'wish' or maybe other sentence that have same meaning like sentence above?Also smile for nothing!

After result:u already prepared what emotion to show in front of me,because i didnt show up at hall when the result announced so u have time to think about it!

I show up myself the day after,u just look at me like i'm a shameful person!What the heck?If u think because i couldnt get straight A,u can act like that,ha??u think i didnt have feeling?I respect u but u didnt respect me just because u're 'the person who must be respected' and student like me doesnt have value at all for u???okey~i've got nothing to say anymore,even if myself heard u guys name,i felt,u know,,(urghhhh)oh,yeah,i forgot this one,there's another 'the person who must be respected'he's mistaken that i'm the who got the highest result,so he's like "are not u who got...?" and then my teacher interupt "no,she got...." wauuu,,after that i got the most powerful reaction from him,in a second he turned back and ignored me!?Oh,MY!MY~!THANK U sir for your 'GREAT REACTION'

I'm sooooooooo appreciated the feeling u gave for me,,,I'm felt honour to receive your'NEW WAY OF CONGRATULATE PERSON'

WELL,I dont care if the 2 person I mentioned above read this entree because this is about my feeling!I felt soooo fooled by these people(fooled?i think phrase TOO MEAN to me is better)

N/T;I wish u 2 people happy with your life,in whatever u working to.If u think I deserved to get these all from u, so I hope u think twice because U 2 PEOPLE ARE NOT DESERVE TO PUNISH OTHER PERSON LIKE THAT!!

JUST PIECES OF MEMORIES.....